Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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