I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize