so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
