OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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