Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
