1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
