It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
