Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
