he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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