just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dick very happy bro
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