remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
