Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I forget how to act sober
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