Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
