Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
