i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
