yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
