smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
