so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
