happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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