You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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