Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
