Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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