do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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