Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
