When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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