i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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