i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
