But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
