You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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