Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
