I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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