I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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