her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
