$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
