Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
