I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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