i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
