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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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