I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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