I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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