He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
