I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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