My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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