btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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