trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
