true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
