you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
