Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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