I should be sponsored by Trojan
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
