I must be too annoying 4 u.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
