chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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