U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
