Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
