i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
