maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
