I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
