i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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