New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
