fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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