I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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