i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
