You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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