If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
