Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
