My hand turned me down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
