oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
