I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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