The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
