I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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