two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
