Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
