hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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