Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We have so much sex to catch up on
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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