Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
