Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
