she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
