1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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