Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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