its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
