rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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